Two Weeks . . .

The children have started attending Taekwondo on a Wednesday night. A leaflet came through the letter box about a month ago and they both jumped at the chance of going. Seemingly, the instructor guy thought that Jessica was better than David and that went down well!

Last night Jessica and I were cuddling. We were laughing and joking and when she became too boisterous I reined her in with a well aimed tickle.

"Watch out Mummy, I know Taekwondo you know!!"

"Jessica, you have been to TWO WEEKS of Taekwondo!" I said with another tickle. 

"Yes, I know! And that is TWO WEEKS MORE THAN YOU HAVE BEEN."

Siiiigh. She may have a point. 

Smarter Than The Average Bear . . .

A couple of weeks ago I bought a new muffin tray for baking muffins in. It wasn't advertised as a muffin tray. It was some kind of foreign bread thing but it looked mighty like a muffin tray to me and the first time Jessica and I made muffins and used it they turned out really well. 

On Saturday I had the idea of using one of those ready mixes for chocolate fudge cake tand dividing the mixture into this tray, making four individual cakes rather than one large one. The mix was only £1.70-something so if it didn't turn out there wasn't much lost. 

Jessica watched me start this up, but she wasn't really paying attention to getting ready for her 3pm pick-up for a birthday party at the ice-skating rink. 

They came out ok. But when I tried to take them out of the tin, they kinda broke apart and they never made it as far as getting iced. David had one, I had two halves (ie one) and then Iain polished off the third one. Jessica's one was put aside for her return much later. So much later in fact that the bun had been put soooo away that she didn't see it. 

I kinda ate it the next day with my coffee, with a "what she doesn't know won't harm her" theory. This is a saying I have heard Jessica say in the past, by the way. 

Last night, Jessica came running into the kitchen, all excited. "Ohhhh, remember on Saturday you were making buns? What happened to them?" 

"Errrr. they didn't really work out very well, to be honest." 

"Huh huh." She raised an eyebrow at me. "What you really mean is that YOU ate them all!" 

Dude! Call a spade a spade, why don't you! 

Homework Hilarity . . .

Jessica usually has her homework done by the time I get home from work. If she hasn't, it is because she hasn't understood it, and by the time I am drafted in to help there may have been tears already, or Jessica may have entered her 'silly half-hour'. In the past couple of weeks I have had to help with fairly difficult comprehension (which I used to love doing), and on one occasion had to seek help from my 13 year old son on how to do Long Division!

Last night was another difficult comprehension. The passage was about airports, aeroplanes, air-traffic controllers, freight, and the functions of an airport. It helps if you know what 'function' means. Jessica has started to display her mother's "AARRGHHH TOO MANY BIG WORDS CANT COPE DOES NOT COMPUTE" mode.

We worked through the questions about pre-packed meals and hundreds of thousands of air-borne movements. Then we came to "What alterations would need to be carried out to the aircraft in order to allow it to carry freight?"

After explaining for the third time what freight was and putting across the possible size of it by mentioning fork-lift trucks, Jessica still couldn't quite grasp what alterations would need to be done, so I tackled it from the opposite side . . .

"Imagine the plane is a massive empty balloon. What would you need to put IN for passengers?" She thought about this for a millisecond and came up with,

"HELIUM!"

Grrr. It is late. I want MY TIME NOW. I do not want to be doing homework. Stop. Being. Silly. Although, I may have to laugh at you now as you are finding it so hilariously funny.

"Ummm. . . ok. . .  let's think again. The plane is completely empty. There is nothing in it. What would you need in there for the passengers?"

"WHY? What happened to the balloon? Did it BURST?"

"Time for bed. Night night."

Personally, I think that if teachers want homework done at home, they ought to come home and supervise it.

Horses and Thick Lips . . .

Did you think you had missed the posting last night about the red mite situation? No, I didn't post it yet, other events overtook the evening.

Jessica was head-butted by her horse as they were standing waiting to go into the lesson. The horse, now named 'Evil Blackie,' was in frisky mood and tried to eat Jessica's coat. When she was told off about that EB reared her head up, straight into Jessica's mouth, making lots of blood-spurting and scream-yelling malarkey. There were several people on hand to help dish out some first aid, one of which was a dentist who advised xrays should be taken. I got a phone call at home from Jenny, the riding school owner, but had to explain to her that I had no car, Iain was walking the dog and would be back to pick her up in ten minutes. But I misremembered the time of the lesson and was out by 30 minutes.

I'll not tell you the whole comedy of errors that saw me starting to run into the village, trying to flag down my 'it's against my religion to carry a mobile phone' husband as he should have been driving past the shops on his way back from walking the dog, then standing waiting for him for 10 minutes, then watching Jenny drive past me with Jessica in the passenger seat, and me having to run practically the whole way home again.

Sigh.

We finally met in the middle with big hugs for a sobbing Jessica.

Almost 4 hours we sat in A&E last night! It wasn't all that busy with only a couple of people waiting in reception. The evening did have its high spots though - like the wee old lady who just walked out of the A&E door and on out through the main exit doors. One minute later first one nurse, then another nurse went outside. Three minutes later the nurses returned with her and hustled her back through the other doors again.

We think she was making a bid for freedom and FAILED.

Much later the woman's daughter arrived and sprung her so at least she did get home, albeit later than expected!

We were eventually taken, she was assessed, xrayed, and superglued back together! The main cut that wouldn't stop weeping was the only thing they wanted to touch, they weren't concerned about broken teeth etc, preferring to leave that to the dentist next week. She definitely has a chipped front tooth and we aren't sure if perhaps a couple others have been knocked loose or not. I am desperately hoping there hasn't been any cracking of roots which could lead to discolouration.

A simple drop of superglue was all that was needed to make sure she didn't end up with a scar above her top lip.

We made it home by 12.45am and needless to say Jessica wasn't in much form for school today so I have had the pleasure of her company here all day. Yay!

Red mites tomorrow - I promise!

X Factor Chat With Jessica

Mummy, where are all the X Factor judges from again?

Dannii Minogue is from Australia, Louis Walsh is from Ireland.. . .

Yes, yes, it is pretty obvious he is from Ireland, but where are the rest from?

Simon Cowell is from England.

IS HE??? Really??

Yes, Simon is from England, and Cheryl Cole is from England.

Oh. So Dannii is from America.

O.O no Dannii is from Australia.

Yes, yes, same thing.

It is NOT the same thing!

Oh yes, it is AUSTRIA that is in America isn't it?

DUDE! What ARE they teaching children at school these days? Next they will be saying Denmark is the same as The Netherlands!